Monday, May 11, 2009

Love Languages (and a GIVEAWAY)

My husband and I have been reading through an amazing book. It's called, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

We've known about the different love languages - but this book really puts things into perspective!

Here are the five love languages:

1) Personal Touch and Closeness
2) Quality Time
3) Words of Encouragement
4) Gifts
5) Acts of Service

If you aren't sure what your primary love language is, there is a questionnaire you can take in the book.

My hubby is #1 and I am #2. The interesting thing is that we can show love to one another, but if we aren't showing it in the other person's primary love language, it may not be so meaningful to them.

The other great part is that we have realized that our children are old enough to have developed a primary love language! They are not all the same, either. Now we can focus on filling up their love tank, and if we are short on time we can focus on their primary language first. Of course, we all need all five from time to time, but the primary language speaks the loudest to us.

For example, if I know that Ashley's primary love language is Acts of Service here's a scenerio that actually took place.

Ashley was sitting at the dinner table and I had just served the last plate and sat down myself to join the family for dinner. She asked if I could please get her the Katchup, and I responded no she could get it herself (since I had just sat down). She let out a sigh and I realized that her love language was acts of service, so I quickly changed my mind and said, "Actually, I'll be glad to get it for you." With that she lit up and enjoyed the rest of the meal.

For her, my act of service said, "I LOVE YOU!" If she wasn't an Acts of Service person than it would have been nice, but no big deal.

If you haven't read this book, I think you should check to see if there is one at your local library.

I believe that every household should own a copy of this book. I feel so strongly about this that I am going to give 2 copies away! Just leave me a comment between Monday May 11th, and Thursday May 14th and I'll put your name in for a drawing. Then check back on Friday May 15th to see which two people have won.


B His Girl said...

I bought this book for a friend but I haven't read it. It looks like knowing someone's love language made a big difference in their attitude from your dinner table example. I thought of it as a book for marriages, but it goes way past that. Hope you Mother's Day was special with your children. B

Breeze said...

This is a good book...I read it once but maybe I should buy it as a reference because I didn't apply it to anything. What if your spouse LL is acts of service but you're too

Thinking on that I think everybody in the house's ll is acts of service. ha!



jamiely78 said...

Please don't put in the drawing - I just wanted to say that I bought this book last Thursday and just finished chapter 1 and love it so far. I have had many people recommend it and agree that every house should have it.

Sue J. said...

I didn't realize how much of a gifts guy my husband was. But, now I do, and it does make a difference. (Even if it's just picking up favorite chips and salsa!!)

The "love language" series has grown to be more than just a book, that's for sure. It all points to establishing quality relationships, and with each relationship comes different needs, interests, communication styles, etc.--but all with the same intent, to love!

This is not a contest entry form, but thanks for your post today.

Andrea said...

Awesome it many years ago...
Blessings and prayers, andrea

Chatty Kelly said...

Enter me! Just think how much you'll save on shipping if I win. LOL!

Leslie said...

We went to a marriage conference many years ago and this was one of the topics at the conference. Sadly, I can't remember if it was actually Gary Chapman who spoke or if they just talked about the book. (It was a huge conference run through Family Life Today.)

Back then, I was quality time and my hubby was personal touch and closeness. Over the years, I have changed to acts of service while he has stayed the same. I was a SAHM at the time of the conference, but now that I work part-time outside of the home, I need help around the house!

I believe Gary Chapman also has a 5 love languages book regarding kids.

Heart2Heart said...


WOW that is so amazing. I would love to know where my hubby and I fall into those languages.

I love books like that that teach you something about an additional way to communicate. I would have never thought about those things in that way unless you share your example about your daughter and the katchup!

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Judy Bodmer said...

Hi, Sonya,
I agree, this is a good book. He's done one on apologizing that I also want to recommend. How many times have I wanted my husband to say, "Please forgive me?" Now I know that this isn't his "language." Would have saved me lots of hurt feelings if I'd known this before.

pippasmum said...

Don't enter me in the draw but I just wanted to say that I loved this book, too. I helped me to understand so much more clearly how it was that we were both trying so hard to show love to the other one but someone, we just weren't connecting. It really helped.

Greg C said...

I have heard that this is a great book so please sign me up. After 27 years of marriage we still don't always communicate.

Melanie said...

I have the book! I used it as a reference when speaking at a Valentine's Day program.

Deb said...

Actually, DH has mentioned several times that we should get this book and read it. Even though things are great, can't it always be better!!??.
His secretary recommended that we read it.
Thanks for having this give-a-way!!

Chris said...

i havent really read the entire book yet. i have only seen glimpse of it through other blog sites. i really agree with you that we should know each other's love language in a household to better show one another our love. especially to our kids. i also wrote a post about this at

kelli said...

I have not read this but after reading your post I realize the I need to.

Diane ~ said...

Great posting! I am a #3 & #1 while my husband is a #5. After being married 14 years, I've learned that if I want to really please my husband, something simple like doing the laundry or cleaning the bathroom speaks more than words ever can.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Sonya - You are such a great mom and I know that you are a woman of honor. YOu are giving your children such a rich heritage and I know that one day they will pass that same heritage on to their children.

Many blessings friend!

Pinkshoelady said...

We have the book so don't enter me but I had to comment. It is one of my favorites and we have used it with youth groups, singles, and it has helped us understand even difficult extended family issues.
I'll be back to visit soon.
I've missed you.

Mary Moss said...

Sounds like a great book with valuable information.

I'm so glad you are able to translate the lessons from the book into real life:-)


Brook said...

My husband and I read this book together when we were engaged and still practice its skills 10 years later. As a family therapist in training, I wholeheartedly agree that this book is a must read for couples and parents.

I am #1 and Jason is #3. Coming up with sincere words of encouragement is very difficult for me, but I try hard because I know that is how he feels loved and accepted by me.

Jenny said...

This book sounds so great.

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

I hear so much good about this book, I can't believe I haven't read it yet.. Thanks for the reminder.

For Their Future said...

Wow! Sounds like a great book! I need to read more books on parenting!

Buildeth Her House said...

I would love to have this book. I'm #5 and hubby is #1.

Carmen Gamble said...

A very good book. I read it a few years ago when I was doing my counseling training. I've passed it onto the christian school along with some other good counseling books...might as well share the wealth!