I feel as if the Lord is trying to teach me to become completely let by the Spirit. Asking God for guidance on the big things is something that I've always done. Asking for guidance on every decision, well that's another story.
With all of the small decisions to be made I am usually quick to answer and slow to remember to ask God for wisdom. The older my children become, the more I am finding a need for total dependency on God and the Holy Spirit to direct ALL of my paths.
Life has gotten so hard over the past few weeks. We've been working through character issues, and being overwhelmed with our school load (co-op can be burdensome). There has also been the transition to our new church with all of the new activities and possible areas to serve in. And lastly, finding time to write. It seems that my plate runeth over right now! What's a mother to do?
I even had a crazy dream the other night. In my dream, my whole family was attending college. I had spent many hours preparing each child for their specific classes. We had done tons of homework and I had even helped each child pick out the right clothes. Then I had to walk them to their classes on campus. At 8:25 am I dropped off the last child and realized that I had neglected to do any of my own homework and I was still in my sweat clothes and a whole campus away from my 8:30 class!! I woke up in a full sweat!
I decided it was just another anxiety dream until my Friend, Chatty Kelly, suggested that the Lord could be trying to tell me that I am not setting aside any time for me and what He wants to do through me. Hmmm??? This makes sense. How then, do I come up with more time for me?
This is where I need the Holy Spirit to help me. I can't make time, but God can! He can guide me daily to show me when I need to take time for my things. I will tell you that after doing it wrong for 41 years, this is a hard habit to break. I am certainly a work in progress - I would love to have your prayers right now.
The hardest thing for me to figure out is this: In putting others first, how do you justify taking time for you? Caring for my family and friends is a full-time job! One that I usually enjoy, knowing that God is calling me to write, this is the part I'm struggling with. Oh Holy Spirit, please lead me today and every day!!!